We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm too high and old for this...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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