From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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