Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My balls are so social today.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
