I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
