i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The beers last night were like the tears from god
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
