She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
