Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
