capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
