Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
