Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
