I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
