So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
