So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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