Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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