Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
