you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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