Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
