shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
