Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
