Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
