i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
