Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
