Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
