I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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