I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
