We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
