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just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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