dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
