I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
