It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
