I looked at my own cervix.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
