I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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