I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
