You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
