the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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