they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
