"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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