she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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