Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
