What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
