we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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