I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
