I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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