sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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