Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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