Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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