i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
