i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
