just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
