I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
